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I love to read books especially regarding self improvement, skill development, leadership, communication, human psychology and relationship.
This is the first time, I started to write a blog, before that I used write for my university magzine. My articles are mostly on the topic of human development , self improvement and personality development.
I live in Pakistan, I am a graduate with specialization in Social Sciences.
I have a profession experience of serving in Private organizations as well as government institutions for EIGHT YEARS. I served in Middle East especially in UAE for a period of more than 7 months.
I hope, this blog will help me to improve my writing skills, as well as it will also contribute to my self development as good human being. If you find my blog helpful for you, kindly please share with other so that we can help our brothers and sisters.
Thank You
MAHMOOD AHMED QAMAR
gharibkiawaz.
Earlier this year, we gave you a little taste of the picks for the best books of 2020 (so far). As the year draws to a close, we’ve rounded out the list, just in time for gift-giving season! With world-rocking moments for social justice and equality, soul-warming poetry, hair-raising thrills and chills, mouth-watering recipes and thought-provoking memoirs galore, 2020 has given us endless honorable reads (and more than likely, the time to actually read them). Here are the best books of 2020.
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Too Much and Never Enough continues to get more and more popular, and it has amassed more than 83,790 5-star reviews on Amazon as a result. In this revelatory, authoritative portrait of Donald J. Trump and the toxic family that made him, Mary L. Trump, a trained clinical psychologist and Donald’s only niece, shines a bright light on the dark history of their family in order to explain how her uncle became the man who now threatens the world’s health, economic security, and social fabric.
Where the Crawdads Sing continues to get more and more popular, and it has amassed more than 126,302 5-star reviews on Amazon as a result. Where the Crawdads Sing is at once an exquisite ode to the natural world, a heartbreaking coming-of-age story, and a surprising tale of possible murder. Owens reminds us that we are forever shaped by the children we once were, and that we are all subject to the beautiful and violent secrets that nature keeps.
The Room Where It Happened A White House Memoir continues to get more and more popular, and it has amassed more than 40,266 5-star reviews on Amazon as a result.
As President Trump’s National Security Advisor, John Bolton spent many of his 453 days in the room where it happened, and the facts speak for themselves.
The turmoil, conflicts, and egos are all there—from the upheaval in Venezuela, to the erratic and manipulative moves of North Korea’s Kim Jong Un, to the showdowns at the G7 summits, the calculated warmongering by Iran, the crazy plan to bring the Taliban to Camp David, and the placating of an authoritarian China that ultimately exposed the world to its lethal lies. But this seasoned public servant also has a great eye for the Washington inside game, and his story is full of wit and wry humor about how he saw it played.
It’s here! #1 bestselling author Stephenie Meyer makes a triumphant return to the world of Twilight with this highly anticipated companion: the iconic love story of Bella and Edward told from the vampire’s point of view.
In Midnight Sun, Stephenie Meyer transports us back to a world that has captivated millions of readers and brings us an epic novel about the profound pleasures and devastating consequences of immortal love.
A Promised Land is extraordinarily intimate and introspective—the story of one man’s bet with history, the faith of a community organizer tested on the world stage. Obama is candid about the balancing act of running for office as a Black American, bearing the expectations of a generation buoyed by messages of“hope and change,” and meeting the moral challenges of high-stakes decision-making. He is frank about the forces that opposed him at home and abroad, open about how living in the White House affected his wife and daughters, and unafraid to reveal self-doubt and disappointment. Yet he never wavers from his belief that inside the great, ongoing American experiment, progress is always possible. This beautifully written and powerful book captures Barack Obama’s conviction that democracy is not a gift from on high but something founded on empathy and common understanding and built together, day by day.
As with her New York Times-bestselling debut The Mothers, Brit Bennett offers an engrossing page-turner about family and relationships that is immersive and provocative, compassionate and wise
The Vanishing Half: A Novel continues to get more and more popular, and it has amassed more than 27,452 5-star reviews on Amazon as a result.
Untamed continues to get more and more popular, and it has amassed more than 32,538 5-star reviews on Amazon as a result.
NAMED ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR BY O: The Oprah Magazine • The Washington Post, Cosmopolitan, Marie Clair, Bloomberg, Parade, “Untamed will liberate women—emotionally, spiritually, and physically. It is phenomenal.”—Elizabeth Gilbert, author of City of Girls and Eat Pray Love
Untamed shows us how to be brave. As Glennon insists: The braver we are, the luckier we get.
Sometimes we read something so fundamentally stirring that we find ourselves speechless in the face of so many tumbling thoughts. Casteis one of those books. Isabel Wilkerson is one of those writers. She reminds us that “we are responsible for our own ignorance or, with time and openhearted enlightenment, our own wisdom.” In this magnificent work of history, narrative, social commentary, philosophy and inspired storytelling, she offers us a new frame, a deeper focal point and new language to help us toward a reckoning long overdue. Quite a gift!
The Silent Patient continues to get more and more popular, and it has amassed more than 50,122 5-star reviews on Amazon as a result.
“An unforgettable―and Hollywood-bound―new thriller… A mix of Hitchcockian suspense, Agatha Christie plotting, and Greek tragedy.”
The Silent Patient is a shocking psychological thriller of a woman’s act of violence against her husband―and of the therapist obsessed with uncovering her motive.
Note:
For self improvement, self motivation, inspiration, leadership books Gift for 2021
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Each new year offers an exciting opportunity for a fresh start and new beginnings, which is probably why we all look forward to New Year’s Eve so much. No matter what your goals are for the coming year or how many New Year’s resolutions you plan on making for 2021, ringing in the start of a new year is a moment to acknowledge. One, to celebrate all of your experiences from 2020 (#pandemiclife); and two, to welcome the New Year ahead.
Whether you plan on greeting 2021 with optimism, the perfect toast or a well-timed joke, these 17 best New Year quotes2021 are just what you need to help you celebrate the start of a (hopefully) HAPPY NEW YEAR.
Today, I am going to blog about a subject which is very near and dear to my heart and that is BOOKS. I wanted to share my favorite books with all of you and I also recommend you to read these book at least once in your life time. Since it is the last week of December 2020 and we always says about new year;
“New year, New you,”
So this idea pop-up in my mind and one of the reason is that I also wanted to come up with a theme around that. These five books will not only serve as a foundation for you to understand yourself better, but also those around you.
I am going to write about five books and in my opinion these five books will make you better all around you.
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Book #1 “What Every Body is Saying” by Joe Navarro.
First of all I really love this catchy title of the Book; What Every Body is Saying.” This book covers human body language and in my opinion this is very important because most of human communication is actually non-verbal.
Joe Navarro is actually an ex-FBI agent and he talks about all these unique tips that you can use to read people from across the room or even someone you’re interacting with. Even the smallest body parts, eyelids, cheeks, fingers.
When I read this book for the first time, it shocked me. I love people watching. I started understanding what was going on in each situation without even needing to hear what they were saying. The entire body gives us a better picture than just the face and I’ll use an example from the book “where if you look at two people having a conversation and you look at the direction of where their feet are pointing, that speaks volumes about how much they’re enjoying that conversation. If you see two people sitting next to each other and one person’s feet are pointing away from that person, they’re ready to get out of that conversation.
Joe even goes as far as to give you simple tips to change your posture to allow you to express authority, to build trust with somebody else. If you put your hands completely in your pockets, that’s a very passive, submissive pose. Now, if you want to exemplify a little bit of confidence, all you have to do is take your thumbs out and that just makes your body language speak with more authority.
Book # 2 “Influence: the Psychology of Persuasion” by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D.
If a patient walks into a doctor’s clinic and they have high cholesterol and high blood pressure just because they don’t exercise. It is the job of the doctor to influence them to begin an exercise regimen. This does not mean that he is manipulating them for his own advantage.
Now in everyday life, we not only need to be very good at influencing people at our jobs, whether you’re a doctor influencing your patients, or a teacher influencing your students, we also need to be aware of those who are trying to influence, or manipulate, us.
One of the concepts this book breaks down very well is something known as the contrast principle. And it’s something that sales people utilize all the time in order to get you to spend more money.
Let us considered that I am a sales-person and you are coming into the store to buy a suit. I will get you committed to buying this $400 suit and then I’ll offer you an $80 sweater, which is a pretty expensive sweater, but it won’t look as expensive because you’ve already spent $400.
If you want someone to understand where you’re coming from, it is going to take a lot more than facts and figures. Most people are influenced by emotions rather than facts and figures. You can see this right now on the news cycle. When somebody starts talking to your primitive brain, they do a much better job at influencing your thoughts and even your actions. When your mind is stressed, it’s much more easily influenced. And we see this after horrible terrorist attacks like September 11th. It takes one person to start running in order to get hundreds to do the same because in that stressed state, they are more likely to be influenced.
I think the real pearl in this book is that it teaches you how to communicate with somebody that disagrees with you. The way you do that is you establish a new concept that doesn’t necessarily disagree with their viewpoint but does agree with yours. Once you find that sort of common ground, it can facilitate that conversation and allow you to exert your influence.
If I’m trying to encourage a parent to vaccinate their child and they happen to be anti-vaccine, instead of going back-and-forth and arguing about the side effects of vaccines, I introduce a new point where we can both agree that the disease that the vaccine prevents, like measles, is a bad disease. If the parent agrees with me, we have a much higher likelihood of seeing eye-to-eye and agreeing on getting a vaccination for their child.
Book # 4 “Public Speaking for Success” by Dale Carnegie.
We all need to improve how we speak in public. To be an effective communicator, to share your story, to influence people, to be a better person yourself, you need to be able to be a better public speaker.
Dale Carnegie gives you some really simple steps that anyone can follow in order to be a better public speaker. One of those steps that I take to heart and use in all of my speeches is the idea of verbalizing your speech or your talk before even doing it.
In this way, your brain can recite the information, get used to saying it. You’ll probably stumble and that’s okay because you’re practicing but you have to practice. This book provide a detail account about really great speakers, how they presented their speeches, what words they used, why certain speeches were more effective than others and that really goes a long way in order for you to communicate your ideas.
BOOK #5 “Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience” by Mihaly
Even though this book is called “The Psychology of Optimal Experience,” it’s basically a book about happiness. This is an evolving field of psychology known as positive psychology. And this is one of the first books I’ve read on the subject and I’ve become obsessed. In medicine, we always look at the negative symptoms, we talk about depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, but positive psychology focuses on the positive aspects of life.
When you are playing basketball, when you are rock climbing, when you are playing an instrument, you’re putting in a lot of effort and generally, for human survival sake at least, when we put in effort it’s done so in order to get something in return whether that’s financial return, sexual return, that feeling you feel when you’re climbing a mountain, playing an instrument, playing basketball, is called flow.
It’s a very self-fulfilling, authentic happiness that you feel. Flow explains that in order to feel happiness, to get that intrinsic joy in life, you constantly need to set these little achievable and meaningful goals for yourself whether we’re talking about cleaning the house in a certain amount of time, or reading a certain amount of books in a given year.
A great paradox that this book addresses is that we don’t spend our free time well. Most people can’t wait to leave work. They can’t wait to retire but when they do, they actually become unhappy and more anxiety sets in. When you are not activating your mind to reach goals and set challenges for yourself, like you are every time you’re at work, your mind fills that empty space with anxiety. When you have anxiety, that leads to more problems, more depression. When you’re at work and you’re constantly setting new goals and new obstacles for yourself, you’re able to reach those goals and therefore feel that reward system kicking in.
Thanks
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AN UNEXPECTED QUEST. TWO WORLDS AT STAKE. ARE YOU READY?
In a sequel to “Ready Player One,” Wade Watts discovers a technological advancement and goes on a new quest.
Days after winning OASIS founder James Halliday’s contest, Wade Watts makes a discovery that changes everything.
Hidden within Halliday’s vaults, waiting for his heir to find, lies a technological advancement that will once again change the world and make the OASIS a thousand times more wondrous—and addictive—than even Wade dreamed possible.
Hidden within Halliday’s vaults, waiting for his heir to find, lies a technological advancement that will once again change the world and make the OASIS a thousand times more wondrous—and addictive—than even Wade dreamed possible.
#1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • The highly anticipated sequel to the beloved worldwide bestseller Ready Player One, the near-future adventure that inspired the blockbuster Steven Spielberg film.
NAMED ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR BY THE WASHINGTON POST • “The game is on again. . . . A great mix of exciting fantasy and threatening fact.”—The Wall Street Journal
Jake Brigance is back! The hero of A Time to Kill, one of the most popular novels of our time, returns in a courtroom drama that The New York Times says is “riveting” and “suspenseful.”
Clanton, Mississippi. 1990. Jake Brigance finds himself embroiled in a deeply divisive trial when the court appoints him attorney for Drew Gamble, a timid sixteen-year-old boy accused of murdering a local deputy. Many in Clanton want a swift trial and the death penalty, but Brigance digs in and discovers that there is more to the story than meets the eye. Jake’s fierce commitment to saving Drew from the gas chamber puts his career, his financial security, and the safety of his family on the line. In what may be the most personal and accomplished legal thriller of John Grisham’s storied career, we deepen our acquaintance with the iconic Southern town of Clanton and the vivid cast of characters that so many readers know and cherish. The result is a richly rewarding novel that is both timely and timeless, full of wit, drama, and—most of all—heart. Bursting with all the courthouse scheming, small-town intrigue, and stunning plot twists that have become the hallmarks of the master of the legal thriller, A Time for Mercy is John Grisham’s most powerful courtroom drama yet. There is a time to kill and a time for justice. Now comes A Time for Mercy.
The murder of a glamorous DC socialite becomes Alex Cross’s deadliest case since Along Came a Spider.
Kay Willingham led a life as glamorous as it was public-she was a gorgeous Georgetown socialite, philanthropist, and the ex-wife of the vice president. So why was she parked in a Bentley convertible idling behind a DC private school, in the middle of the night, with the man who was the head of that school? Who shot them both, point blank, and why? The shocking double homicide is blazed across the internet, TV, newspapers — and across Alex Cross’s mind. Kay had been his patient once. And maybe more. While John Sampson of DC Metro Police investigates the last movements of Christopher Randall, the educator killed along with Kay Willingham, detective Alex Cross and FBI special agent Ned Mahoney find unanswered questions from Willingham’s past, before she arrived in DC and became known in DC society as someone who could make things happen. They travel to Alabama to investigate Kay’s early years. There they find a world of trouble, corruption, and secrets, all of them closed to outsiders like Cross and Mahoney.
In the romantic tradition of Dear John, Nicholas Sparks returns with the story of an injured Navy doctor — and two women whose secrets will change the course of his life in this #1 New York Times bestseller.
Trevor Benson never intended to move back to New Bern, North Carolina. But when a mortar blast outside the hospital where he worked sent him home from Afghanistan with devastating injuries, the dilapidated cabin he’d inherited from his grandfather seemed as good a place to regroup as any.
Tending to his grandfather’s beloved beehives, Trevor isn’t prepared to fall in love with a local . . . yet, from their very first encounter, Trevor feels a connection with deputy sheriff Natalie Masterson that he can’t ignore. But even as she seems to reciprocate his feelings, she remains frustratingly distant, making Trevor wonder what she’s hiding.
Further complicating his stay in New Bern is the presence of a sullen teenage girl, Callie, who lives in the trailer park down the road. Trevor hopes Callie can shed light on the mysterious circumstances of his grandfather’s death, but she offers few clues — until a crisis triggers a race to uncover the true nature of Callie’s past, one more intertwined with the elderly man’s passing than Trevor could ever have imagined. In his quest to unravel Natalie and Callie’s secrets, Trevor will learn the true meaning of love and forgiveness . . . and that in life, to move forward, we must often return to the place where it all began.
FBI Agent Atlee Pine’s search for her sister Mercy clashes with military investigator John Puller’s high-stakes case, leading them both deep into a global conspiracy — from which neither of them will escape unscathed.
For many long years, Atlee Pine was tormented by uncertainty after her twin sister, Mercy, was abducted at the age of six and never seen again. Now, just as Atlee is pressured to end her investigation into Mercy’s disappearance, she finally gets her most promising breakthrough yet: the identity of her sister’s kidnapper, Ito Vincenzo. With time running out, Atlee and her assistant Carol Blum race to Vincenzo’s last known location in Trenton, New Jersey — and unknowingly stumble straight into John Puller’s case, blowing his arrest during a drug ring investigation involving a military installation.
Stunningly, Pine and Puller’s joint investigation uncovers a connection between Vincenzo’s family and a breathtaking scheme that strikes at the very heart of global democracy. Peeling back the layers of deceit, lies and cover-ups, Atlee finally discovers the truth about what happened to Mercy. And that truth will shock Pine to her very core.
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Have you ever had a dream that you want so badly but somehow it never came true?
Have you ever watched people succeed in achieving their dreams while you didn’t?
Yes, we have all been there someday. Some people seem to master the game of life. They just know what they want and they are not afraid to get it.
So why aren’t you doing the same? This book will shed the light on the reason why success seems to work for some people and not for others.
This book is a manual that will take you step by step. This book will teach you how to be successful. It will help you start your journey from dreaming big, setting clear goals and to achieve your dreams.
What is interesting in the book is that each chapter will provide you with an action plan. This is like an exercise that you can practice to learn the secrets of successful people.
So, if success is what you’re after, keep reading this blog to know more about the inner workings of winning the game.
Importance of attitude: Building a positive Attitude
Surely you have wondered why some people, organizations, and companies are more successful than others. The answer is in the Quality.
When we talk about quality, we mean the quality of people and business choices. In the world of success, attitude is what sets the most effective people from the losers.
Every great building starts with a strong foundation. Every successful business starts with TQP. TQP refers to Top Quality People. These are the people that once you add to your team, they’ll have a strong desire to do their best to improve the quality of your business.
Studies have proven that most people get the job because of their attitude not because of their resumes. Having a positive attitude towards your business and life in general is the key of finding your success.
Our attitudes are determined by our environments, education, and experiences. A positive person always cares about others. He is always confident, patience, and resourceful.
To become among the Top Quality People you have to focus on being positive. Practice everyday till it becomes a habit, and keep educating yourself. You also need to avoid negative influences such as negative people and TV programs.
One day a visit from a wise-man changed the life of an African Farmer. Hafiz was happy living and working in his farm. But that all changed by simple words from a wise man.
When he visited Hafiz, the wise man told him that diamonds can make him rich. He told him that if he had a diamond as big as his thumb he can own a city. If the diamond was as big as his fist, he can buy a whole country.
This idea kept Hafiz awake all night long. He wanted to change his present situation, so he decided to sell his farm and went for looking diamonds. He traveled everywhere till he reached Spain. He was now broke, tired, and without any hope of finding the diamonds.
So he killed himself. He jumped off the river and there he was dead.
What Hafiz didn’t know is that back home everything changed. The man who bought his farm found diamonds in his own river. One day the new farmer was enjoying the morning sun and noticed something shinning in the water stream.
When the wise man visited the new owner of the farm, they both realized that Hafiz was sleeping on a diamond mine. Only if he knew.
That proves that positive attitude is everything. If Hafiz stayed positive and believed in his own assets, he would have become the richest of all. Because he approached life with a negative attitude, he was hopeless and lost his own life.
We now know that success is the results of our attitude. Our attitude is a choice, so success is a matter of choice and not luck.
To move ahead in life, we need to seek opportunities and not just be satisfied with what we have. Success is a subjective word. It’s journey of realizing your goals one after the other.
Obstacles don’t matter. Every success story has failure in it’s history. Remember Thomas Edison? He failed almost 10,000 times before he succeeded in creating a light bulb.
To have a mentality of success you need to have a strong desire to succeed, commitment, and responsibility. You must also be willing to work harder than others. Success also comes for those who are patience, caring for others, have a good personality and positive attitude.
You also need to be able to manage your time for the best results and be persistent when facing difficult times. Most people quit when they’re about to achieve their greatest profit yet. Dare to take risks.
Come to the world of business prepared. Believe in the laws of nature and make them work for you. Also never forget to be grateful and to learn from your mistakes.
A young man once asked Socrates about the secrets of success. Socrates told him to meet him in the next day by the river. As they were talking, they got closer to the river.
Socrates grabbed the man by the neck, and pushed him down the river. The man couldn’t breathe. He was struggling to run away from Socrates was stronger than him.
The man struggles and struggles till his face turned blue. Socrates then let him go. As the man caught his breath, Socrates asked him what was the thing he wanted the most when he was under water. The man replied that he wanted “air”.
Socrates told him that only when you want success as much as you wanted air, only then you’ll succeed. A cruel but important lesson is learned here.
If your desire is strong enough, then all you have left is apply the principles of success.
Motivation: Motivating Yourself and Others Everyday
The most important question to ask is not how to do something but why you’re not doing it already. Most people know exactly what they have to do in order to succeed, but they don’t know is why they are not doing these things.
You can be inspired by other people, but you can only be motivated by changing your action plan. Your inner values are the most lasting motivation source in your life. If you believe in some cause, you’ll be motivated to do whatever it takes to achieve it.
You can be motivated by external factors such as fear, money, and incentives. You can also be motivated by internal factors such as pride, sense of achievements, responsibility, and caring for others.
You can motivates others by giving them the recognition and respect they need, helping them, listening to their needs, and challenging them to always do better.
There was a boy who used to play soccer in his school team. The boy was always in reserves because the coach didn’t believe in him.
His father will always come to watch him play, but his son never made it to the team. So the boy stopped coming to practice. But suddenly, he showed up again.
It was the finals. The boy was very determined to play this time. He begged his coach to let him play. The coach refused because the pride of the school was at stake. Everyone was there watching.
After begging and begging, the coach gave up and allowed him to play. The boy surprised everyone, he was on fire. He scored all the goals and he was the star of the game.
When the game was over, the coach asked the boy how he did that. He was always bad at soccer, and suddenly he was a star. The boy told him that his father was watching him this time.
But the father wasn’t there. The coach asked him where his father is. The boy said that his father was blind. Every time he came to practice he wasn’t able to see him play, but today his father could see him for the first time.
The coach asked how. The boy answered that his father was dead. He’s now watching him from above.
You can be the star of your life if you have a strong motivation. Just set clear goals, have high expectations, and move forward in life.
Self-esteem: Building a Positive Self-esteem and Image
You should avoid working with people with low self-esteem. They are not responsible and they never keep their promises. They are also negative and take more than they like to give. Working with someone like this is not good for business.
Some people believe that if they pretend that their self-esteem is high people will believe them. But self-esteem is shown through our actions. It shows through what we like and don’t like. So, there is no need to pretend since your actions will tell the truth anyway.
Where and how you grew up is directly related to your self-esteem. Your environment affects your personality. Your education plays an important role for your self-esteem as well.
Discipline is also important. Growing with a firm belief system will teach you to love yourself and to love responsibility. Discipline doesn’t go against your freedom; it just guides you towards the right path.
The key to success is not in doing what you like, life is not perfect. The key is in liking what we do. We have to be confident to handle whatever comes our way.
To build a positive self-esteem you have to replace your painful memories with positive lessons, ignore your limitations, help others, accept and give compliments, as well as be responsible. If you follow this path, setting goals and achieving them will be easy.
Wilma was young when she had a strong fever that left her paralyzed with polio. She was only four and the doctor told here that she can never put her foot on the floor again.
Wilma had big dreams. She wanted to be the fastest women on the track. The doctor kept telling her no but her mother supported her. Her mother believed that with persistence and good faith, everything is possible.
One day, Wilma took her leg braces off. She walked on her foot the first time after her sickness. She wanted run, so she started competing in the track. She was always the last to arrive to the finish line.
Years went by. Wilma kept on running until finally she won. She went to university and met a good coach. She told the coach about her dream and he believed in her positive spirit.
Wilma went to the Olympics and competed against the fastest women on track. She beat the champion in three races and came home with three gold medals.
Wilma made history for being the first paralytic woman to win the race in 1960 Olympics.
Interpersonal Skills: Building a Pleasing Personality
George Washington once said that what the world needs isn’t product knowledge, but people knowledge. People need to be charismatic and they have to care and connect with others. Building strong connections is important in the world of business.
Life is an echo. Everything you send to the world is reflected back to you. If you send love and positivity, you’ll receive both. Stay away from the aspects that are stopping you from building good relationships with others. Try to avoid being selfish, rude, dishonest, and suspicious of others.
To build a good personality you need to be responsible, considerate of other’s needs, be tactful with your own words, don’t criticize and complain. Try to find excuses for other people’s mistakes, and be a good listener.
It’s also good to be able to admit to our mistakes immediately. This a leader’s attitude. Remember that no one is perfect. Also, don’t engage in worthless arguments. Always try to go for fruitful discussions instead. In order to have a good friend, you need to be a good friend first.
There was a story of two farmers who were exchanging goods with each other. The first one was a baker. He always sends a loaf of bread to the second farmer who sends a pound of butter in return.
One day, the first farmer started thinking. He was not sure that the butter he receives truly weighs one pound, so he brought a scale and he checked. The first farmer was right. The butter he was receiving all this time was less than a pound.
He was angry and he felt betrayed. So, he invited the second farmer to settle at court.
The Judge asked the second farmer about the scale he used to measure the pound of butter.
The second farmer answered that his means were always limited. He doesn’t have a scale so he used the first farmer’s loaf of bread as a scale instead. The amount of butter he sends is just equal to the loaf of bread he receives. So if anyone was cheating in this story, it is the first farmer.
What we can learn from this tale is that anything we do will be reflected exactly back at us. So, send positivity and good attitude, and you’ll receive the best from life.
Subconscious Mind and Habit: Building a Pleasing Personality
We were all born to be successful. We have the inner power to achieve greatness. What hinders our progress is the way we were conditioned by society.
If we watch successful people closely, we notice that they make everything they do look easy. It is not because they are different but it is because they have learned so much to the point where success became a habit for them.
They are now doing it subconsciously. They don’t have room for social norms to affect their nature. They are focused and determined.
You need to start building good habits. These are habits success. To do that, you need to condition yourself for success. By conditioning we mean changing the books you read, the movies you watch, the podcasts you listen to. Make everything in your environment scream success.
Start with your subconscious behavior and your subconscious will automatically follow. The subconscious mind is more powerful because it’s internal. It doesn’t think or question, it just does. That’s the attitude you’re looking for. Fear and hesitation is not your friend. Doing is your best ally if you want to succeed.
Your mind and body may be difficult to control. Changing habits is hard and your mind will be resisting. You need to stay positive and focus on the big picture. Building habit requires discipline and patience.
There is a 12-days formula that teaches us how to form habits. First you need to focus on your self-talk. Change negative comments such as “I’m tired” to positive statement that you practice everyday.
To make these positive statements effective, you need to visualize them daily.
The author tells the story of his nephews. He has two nephews who love playing tennis. Their father was once complaining about how much money this hobby of his children is costing him.
The author asked him why. Compared to them being at home all day, this was a win. They may end up doing other things instead such as bad habits.
The father thought for a while. He then realized that playing tennis is a cheap price for raising good children with positive personalities. He was protecting them from the world and setting them in the right path.
Life is like a vacuum. If you don’t surround yourself with positive habit, negative habit will consume you instead. So you have to start watching yourself and seeing where your habits are taking you. Are they directing you towards success, or failure?
Depending on your answer you can see a vision of your future self. So be serious about your habits, then change your negative ones with positive routines.
Goal Setting: Setting and Achieving Your Goals
If you don’t have a clear vision of where you want to go, you will never reach any final destination. You will be lost forever.
Setting goals is different from having dreams and wishes. Dreams always lack specific directions. Setting goals is very important for your success. If you are not sure and committed to where exactly you want to go with your life, you will go nowhere.
Not all people set goals. People are usually scared and negative towards life. They don’t believe that they can achieve anything so they’re satisfied with what they have. Ambition is what separates the great from the normal.
You should know that your goals must be SMART. They have to be Specific statements such as “I want to build a six pack”. They also have to be measurable in order to be able to track your progress. They must be realistic and achievable. You can’t aim for something that is impossible.
Lastly, goals must also be bound by a time limit. If you want to build a six pack, you have to limit yourself to six months or a year for example. Goals can be short-term or long-term.
Sometimes when people focus on a certain goal they forget to live. It’s always good to have a balance between working and living. You have to take care of your family and your health. Staying focused is good, but living a life without joy is a bad decision.
An example of keeping your eyes on the prize is Florence Chadwick. She was a famous swimmer. She swam through the English Channel and now her goal was bigger.
Florence was determined to swim through the Catalina channel next. The whole world was watching as she fought against cold and fog one mile after the other. She even encountered some sharks along the way.
She was swimming and swimming but all she could see was the fog. Because Florence couldn’t see any land, she gave up. She was so close to achieving her goals but she gave up because she couldn’t see where the destination is.
Two months later, Florence tried again. She won this time and even beat the men’s world record by two hours.
This story teaches us the importance of having clear visions. If you can’t see your goals clearly, you will be discouraged and give up midway.
Values and Vision: Doing the Right Thing for the Right Reason
How do we know that our value system is the right one to have? How can we judge that we are doing the right thing? This is a tricky question because values are subjective. Everyone sees the world from his own perspective. So how can we decide?
There are two tests that you can use to check your values.
First, there is a test called the Mama test. If you’re doing something, ask yourself whether your mother will be proud to see you doing it or not. If she is, then you are on the right path, if she’s not not, then your values need to change.
The second test is called the Baba test. It works the same way except this time you’re the ones judging you. When you’re doing something, imagine your children in the room watching you. Will they be proud of their father? If yes, then keep going, if not, then you know what needs to be changed.
You can change your values with practice. Your values are important because they can determine who you are and what you get from life. If your values are wrong, your life will be miserable. Since values are at the core of your existence, you should start with them.
The right values will give you purpose to live. When you know your life’s purpose, your vision is clear. You know where you are going and what is it that you have to do to get there. A clear vision built from good values will set your life for the right path.
There was a story of a king called Midas. This king adored gold and the more he had, the more he wanted. He was storing gold everywhere.
One day, King Midas was visited by a stranger. This strange man told him that he can have one wish. Anything he asked will be granted.
Because the king loved gold, he asked the stranger to give him a golden touch. Midas wanted anything he touches to turn into gold. The stranger told him to wait till the next morning, and his wish shall be true.
When the king woke up the next day, he touched his bed and it turned into gold. He was so happy. He looked through the window and saw his daughter in the garden. That made him happier.
He tried to read but his book turned to gold. He tried to eat but his food turned to gold. He was upset and hungry. What made matters worse is his daughter. She came running to her father and once King Midas touched her she also turned to gold.
He started crying and crying. The strange man came back and asked him what he wanted this time. The king said sadly that he wanted the gold to disappear. All he cared about is his daughter and he can’t be happy without her.
The stranger gave him his wish. The king’s daughter was back and healthy. The king was now wiser; he now knows exactly what is important to him.
Just like this king, if we don’t check our values and priorities, we may be focusing on the wrong thing. We need to find what matter most to us then set a clear vision to achieve it.
Conclusion
This book is not about what you should you do to be a winner. It is about what you should BE to be a winner.
Success starts from our subconscious mind. It’s not the environment but it’s our personalities and values that determine our rate of success and failure.
In this book we learned the importance of having a positive attitude towards life. We also learned the importance of motivation and high self-esteems for building a successful life.
Do not forget, you can’t succeed on your own. You need to build good relationships with others. Your personality must be pleasing and inviting because life is like a boomerang. Whatever we do we will receive back.
We also learned how to set SMART goals that are specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and time-bound. These goals must be based on the right values.
You can’t live a life based on wrong values and negative habits. You have to stay focused on your vision, keep improving as an individual, and give back to the world.
Life is a win-win game. The more you care about other people and give back to society, the more you’ll receive.
So what are you waiting for? Follow the action plans provided by this book and start changing your life. Your own success is waiting for you, just start now.
Body language is one of the most fundamental techniques you have to know if you want to taste success in your life or if you want to impress and create a strong first impression on anyone anywhere at anytime.
Many of us believe that body language is something related to our movements that we do subconsciously, but this is not true. A lot of times we consciously act and change our body language according to the situation, either we want to talk with someone or deliver a message to someone very special.
Body language is an art that we need to learn if we want to achieve our goals in different areas of our life. We should know the the basics of attractive and confident body language, whenever we talked to a stranger or to attract someone attention toward ourselves.
Body language mainly depends on your intentions, what intentions you have, if you have positive intention, then your whole body will behave in a positive way and if you have negative intentions, then vice versa. If you want to have a strong first impression, you should think positive before going in conversation with anyone.
There are many benefits of learning body language that I will explain in the other parts of this blog. But the hidden benefit of knowing about body language is that you can save yourself from lot problems. Sometime social norms don’t allow us to say that we want to say in an overt manner.
For example in a situation where you’re not sure if it’s acceptable for you to directly tell someone that you like him or her. So in this case you can convey the message through your body language and engage other person and to look for his/her reaction, either the feelings are mutual or not. You can create communication with the help of your body movements, which we called as body language.
In this blog I am sharing a five steps formula for all those who are suffering from lack of strong body language and for those who don’t considered body language as part of our conversation.
These steps will guide you to have a strong, attractive and alpha male body language. By following and practicing these steps you can create a strong impression on others.
These five steps are equally beneficial for both male and female, but studies showed that they are more productive in males as compared to females.
Step # 1: KEEPING AN OPEN BODY LANGUAGE
(EYES CONTACT, PALMS-OUT, SMILE AND WALKING STYLE)
As you can read that our first step is “keeping an open body language”, what does this term mean? Let say if you first meet a stranger especially when the stranger is a cute girl, it is very important for you to convey that you’re not a threat to her as you walk up to her. So make sure you have a smile on your face with open palms. People instinctively put their hands up with their palms out, when they want to show they have surrendered and this is because of a reason when we show our palms, subconsciously we are telling people that we have nothing to hide we have no weapons and we aren’t a threat for them. This puts people at ease and help us to get our foot in the door with a girl that we have been talking to while.
On the other hand, if with a serious face with your hands in your pockets, she will probably going to be scared that you want to snatch something from her.
Similarly when you are talking to her just keep your palms open.
In fact here’s a bonus tip for you if you’re going to shake her hand slightly, tilt your hand upwards in normal circumstances. This can be a bit submissive but if you’re meeting a girl for the first time it can be helpful in making sure that she realizes that you’re not a threat.
Step # 2: TONE OF YOUR VOICE
The next step is the tone of our voice. The volume, frequency and tone of our voice at which we communicate with other person is also very important, to have a strong impression. The second my voice hits your ears you’ve probably already made a few judgments about me, maybe you like the sound of my voice or maybe you don’t like.
The way we talk with other person, the other person subconsciously think and his brain made a split decision about ourselves and now whatever we speak will be filtered through that channel. That is why most of the people are not being able to create a strong first impression during there first meeting with any stranger.
In most situations your first impression on a girl will be how you walk up to her; having a masculine gait shows her that you’re in control of your environment and are not afraid of anyone and that is very attractive . You need to walk in a slow and controlled way like in most of the hollywood movies “the hero of the story is walking through a crowd and he is walking slower than everyone else that’s because he is in control and he’s not afraid to be in public because he doesn’t want to hide himself behind anyone or anything that is very attractive.
So walk slowly and make sure that you look ahead don’t look down on your phone look into people’s eyes. Now I know this can be intimidating at first, but really! think about it! if you get into the habit of making slight eye contact with everyone, with a little head-nod and smile while walking especially the cute girl you want to impress for a long time.
You would even have to fake it until you master it, in order to show her that you’re an attractive man.
Step # 3 THE GREAT POSTURE
The next tip is to have a great posture; nothing is more unattractive than a guy who’s slouched over all the time. Pull your shoulders back, keep your chin up and with a straight-back. This can be helpful to have a great posture. Imagine that you have a string above your head and somebody is pulling it. This will keep your neck and spine straight. Similarly on the other hand you need to get rid of your bad posture habits, this means that do not use your laptop while you’re in your bed etc. If you’re using a computer make sure to take breaks every hour or so just to do some stretches and realign your posture.
I actually recently went to a chiropractor and he told me the same thing; a great exercise that I would recommend for getting a great posture that is dead-lifts. Dead-lifts just make your back muscles stronger and these muscles will pull your shoulders back and give you the body language of an alpha while also making you stronger. Another exercise that you can try is to stand up against a wall with your body touching the wall and put your hands back on the wall make sure that your elbows are connected on the wall and then move your arms up and down, while making sure that your elbows stay connected make sure to really squeeze your back muscles while you’re doing this. I suggest 10 reps of these for 3 sets every day until your posture improves.
Step # 4: ATTENTION TO YOUR FEET
The next point is to pay attention to your feet. While you’re talking to someone, your standing position, weight a lot about your intentions. If you’re talking to a girl and you just met with her, and you are standing in a way that both of your feet are pointed directly at her; this can also make her feel like you’re coming on too strong. So be strategic with how you position your feet or your standing posture. If you’re meeting someone for the first time then it’s best that you keep your feet at a 45 degree angle; as if you were ready to leave at any moment. Later as you get to know someone, you could also try squaring up to earth with your feet directly and see how she responds back. If she backs up a little like she’s getting intimidated you should should back off a bit, but if she seems comfortable or maybe even comes closer to you then this mean she is showing interest in you.
Step # 5: BE GENTLE WITH YOUR MOVEMENTS
Tip number five is all about your movements; how you move your hands, feet, what your are touching etc. Please don’t be a spaz. This is more of a general tip on how you should conduct yourself. If you’re all over the place moving your arms everywhere running to everything and in general just being a clown then you’re not going to be perceived as being very attractive or may be you perceived as funny.
Attractive and confident people are slow in their movements and they gently move their hands and other body parts while in conversation with someone.
If you are having this problem and want to cure this issue, you should breathe deeply as well as you need to do meditation, this will help you a lot. As doing these practices, it will ground you to be more attentive at the present moment.
Here’s a mindset that you really need to have; you don’t need to impress anyone, you are here to have fun, you are confident and secure about who you are; just say this in your head again and again until you actually believe it. This is also called affirmation.
BONUS TIP
“Fake it until you make it” when you keep this mindset your body language is automatically going to reflect your thoughts if you’re thinking about your mortgage or your work problems or you seem to be very distracted then your body language is obviously going to reflect that and it’s not very attractive so be present and breathe in the moment and then your body will relax and be at ease and that will show confidence.
CONCLUSION:
I want to tell you about a concept that I got from a great TED talk by Mark Bowden (an expert on body language). A lot of you might be thinking that why should we have to put in all of this effort to understand body language. I mean shouldn’t we just be who we are what’s the point of earning attractive body language. Anyway I want to tell you about why you need to learn the ART OF BODY LANGUAGE.
For Example: If you want to convey something important; imagine that you have the most important message in the world that everyone needs to hear but you go on stage and your voice is very low and you’re all nervous and the words don’t come out right and you stood all hunched up with your hands in your pocket and nobody paid attention to you, in-spite of having a strong message, you failed because you didn’t know about body language.
In the same way imagine that the cute girl you’re going to approach (the girl you’re meant to be with) not only that imagine you’re the best guy for her wouldn’t it be a shame if you two don’t be able to get together; just because you wouldn’t know how to present yourself properly.
Attractive body language is like a huge billboard that says that you’re attractive and trustworthy. Just changing this alone will do wonders for your social and love life. Now keep in mind, I’m not telling you to be inauthentic in your interaction, be who you are, but learn to present yourself in an attractive way. If you do it for long enough what was once in authentic become very authentic and become a part of who you are and you will be infinitely more attractive.
NOTE
I really hope that this blog will help you to learn the ART OF BODY LANGUAGE. I know that if you’re reading this blog then you know the importance of having insight. The right insight can change your life so if you want more be sure to follow my blog and to watch video regarding this blog, you can also subscribe my YouTube Channel (Mahmood Qamer) and subscribe.
Best products to understand and learn more about Body Language. If you click on these links and buy from them, they will pay a tiny amount to me, without charging you any extra amount of money.
“This is the most important and crucial period of your life, for what you do now or what you decide now, may well determined which way your life shall go, the question is whether you have a proper, a solid and a sound blueprint of your life”
MARTIN LUTHER
I want to suggest three basic habits that you can adopt very easily and these habits will make your life happy and successful.
1. Believe in Yourself
2. Be Principled.
3. Keep Moving.
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF:
You should have a deep believe in your worth, your kind, your personality, your own dignity and your some-bodiness, don’t allow anybody make you feel that you are no body, don’t feel inferior, believe in yourself, you should remember nothing is impossible. Always feel that you count, always feel that you have worth and you should know that your life has an ultimate significance, because you win the first race of your life to be in this world. If you were not significant, you would have been abducted, died at birth or probably be part a million in a sewage tank. But your existence is of relevance. Always tell yourself that.
“As a man thinkenth, so he is. As he continues to think, so he remains” – James Allen
What you believe determines what you become?
What you look for; you attract what your are?
Most people do not realize that their beliefs determines the rest of their life;
WHAT YOU BELIEVE TODAY HAS A REAL EFFECT ON TOMORROW. Your Income, Success, Health, and who you ultimately become are based on what you believe will happen.
Michael Jordan
“You have to expect things from yourself before you can do them.”
If you believe you can, odds are you probably will. But if you don’t then you end up not trying.
“One will never get any more than he thinks he can get” – Amaizu Melody
The problem is, most people don’t have that self belief in themselves. Most people think this is about as good as it gets. For most part, most people believe the best they can be is merely “GOOD” Why? Because it’s easier to stay in mediocrity than undertake the difficult process of upgrading your belief system. It’s easier to relax in “GOOD” instead of busting your ass towards greatness.
2. BE PRINCIPLED
You must have basic principles, you must be able to decide what you will be in life, what your life’s work will be even if your days unfolds and once you discover it, set out to do it and do it well, learn to set aside some irregularities of life and make it happen.
My mom always say;
“There is no champion without challenge, but with his/her ability to stay principled pushes him further into becoming a champion”
There is no rice, without a price, just do what you are doing well.
“Be a bush, if you can’t be a tree”
“If you can’t be a comb, be a brush”
“If you can’t be the sun, then be the star”, for it does not matter, or it is not about size that you win or you fail, just be the best at whatever you are and be principled.
3. KEEP MOVING
“Life is not full of roses,” most of the times you don’t get what you want. You don’t just achieve your dreams and aspirations at the snap of your fingers. But for whatever you face, just keep moving. Know that your challenge is only defined based on where you stand to look at it
“If you can’t fly, RUN”, “If you can’t run, WALK”, “If you can’t walk, CRAWL”.
For no matter how fast or how slow, just make sure you are not stagnant, by all means keep moving.
“THE RATE AT WHICH YOU BELIEVE IN YOURSELF, IS THE RATE AT WHICH YOU WILL SUCCEED”.
NOTE
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It can be hard to open up about a mental health condition. In recent years, however, mental health conversations have moved from private spaces to the public stage, with celebrities and other public figures speaking out about their experiences with mental health. Having this conversation publicly helps reduce stigma and provide education on conditions people may not really understand.
One such condition is bipolar disorder, which causes extreme shifts in a person’s mood — from emotional highs (mania or hypomaniadepending on the type) to deep lows (depression).
If you have bipolar disorder, you are not alone. According to the Bipolar International Foundation, about 2.6% of the U.S. population has a bipolar diagnosis. It affects women and men equally. Treatment, like therapy, medication or a combination of both, have helped many people living with the condition.
People judge you with their eyes before anything else when they meet you, so your body language is important in making a first impression and being remembered.
Practicing strong, impressive body language can change your career whether you’re interviewing for jobs, networking, asking for a raise, or anything else. This article is going to quickly walk you through the most powerful, easy-to-implement body language tips so you can start making a great first impression with everyone you meet.
Best Body Language Tips For Making A Great Impression:
1. Eye Contact
2. Your Standing Posture
3. Your Sitting Posture
4. Practice Smiling.
5. Practice Your Handshake
6. Dress the Part
Eye Contact
Maintaining eye contact shows confidence.
Avoiding eye contact shows submission, nervousness, and a lack of confidence… especially while speaking.
And the best way to build strong eye contact is to practice in everyday situations.
That way when you’re in a “big” moment it’ll happen naturally. The biggest mistake you can make is waiting until important moments to start “trying” to maintain eye contact. It’s much easier to just build a habit of it by trying right now, and every day.
Pay extra attention to your eye contact while talking. Most people can quickly learn to maintain good eye contact while listening, but find it harder to do when speaking.
If you practice being aware of your eye contact in every interaction you have, you’ll find it very easy to maintain eye contact in high-pressure situations where body language counts for a lot!
Your Standing Posture
Stand with your head straight when you walk. Imagine a string is pulling you up from the top of your head. Tuck your chin in slightly.
Walk slowly and calmly. Ever see a CEO rushing around, running to catch a door as it’s closing, or anything like that? Heck no. You haven’t.
They move slowly, confidently and deliberately. So relax, move slowly and walk as if you’re confident and not worried. I don’t mean that if you’re going on an interview you should walk at half of your normal speed down the hallway and make people wait. But avoid any actions that seem “panicky”. Important people don’t run around in a panic.
Your Sitting Posture
How you sit is as important as any body language tip. Especially in job interviews.
Sit in an open stance. Try to take up a lot of space. Don’t scrunch into a small space with your arms or legs folded. Taking up more space shows confidence. It’s called a “power position” or “power stance”.
This is how “not” to sit. Notice this person is making themselves small and appearing “closed off”. You can’t even see their face yet you can tell they’re not confident! This is the opposite of a power stance.
Crossing your arms or folding your hands is a defensive posture. It shows you’re hesitant, closed off, worried, etc. So avoid doing it. Keep your arms open. On your sides, on the table, etc.
Every once in a while, when you’re just meeting with friends or in a low-pressure situation, try to take up as much space as possible. Spread your arms out. Put your hand far out on the table, as far as it can reach, and leave it there. It feels good. You’ll see…
Don’t do this in an interview, but remember that feeling. That’s how you should feel. Never make yourself smaller or cross your arms out of nervousness or fear. It’ll just make you more nervous and apprehensive. Not good!
One more thing: Don’t fidget. It’s distracting and is another sign that you’re uncomfortable nervous.
Just like the eye contact, practice being aware of fidgeting in small, everyday situations. You can’t just “turn it off” in a big moment if you haven’t been practicing. It’ll be almost impossible. So notice when you’re fidgeting or tapping your hands/feet while talking to friends or family.
That way when you get into a big moment, your powerful body language will be second-nature.
Practice Smiling
This shows confidence. It shows you’re relaxed and having a good time. And it’ll make people more attracted to being around you.
You want to seem like you enjoy your work, and you’re enjoying the conversation with whoever you’re talking to. Smiling is one of the easiest ways to do it.
It’s okay to feel a bit nervous in a conversation. It happens to everyone. But try to avoid clenching your jaw, wrinkling your face or looking tense. People can sense this stuff immediately and it’ll change how they remember the interaction (and not in a good way).
Practice Your Handshake
Not too hard, not too soft. Keep it firm and confident but don’t try to squeeze the life out of their hand like it’s a fight to the death!
Practice with friends, your parents, siblings, etc.
Believe it or not, recruiters and hiring managers *love* to talk about your handshake after an interview. But only if it was bad (extremely soft, ridiculously hard, etc.)
If you get a halfway decent handshake that’s “normal”, it won’t be an issue and nobody will think twice about it. This is one of those body language tips where you just need to be decent at it. You don’t need the world’s best handshake. That’s the good news.
Dress The Part
Just like someone instantly judges your body language, facial expression and posture when they meet you, they also judge what you wear. If you’re going for a job interview, wear fitted clothes that look GREAT, and if in doubt… over-dress a little bit. This is one of the things I recently covered in my interview do’s and don’ts article.
It’s better to be a little bit over-dressed. If the company seems to wear business casual, wear a tie. If the company dresses very casual (jeans, etc.), wear business casual instead (slacks, a shirt tucked in, no tie).
Good Body Language Starts With These Tips
You now know the 6 best and most important body language tips that you can use to be more impressive in negotiations, networking events and first meetings, and of course job interviews!
Use this as a checklist as you practice in everyday interactions! (If you read the article and didn’t skip to the bottom, you’ll know why practicing NOW is so important instead of just waiting until the big moment and hoping you can change all of these body language habits at once. Because it’s extremely difficult that way, if not impossible). If you do this and make an effort to practice and notice your body language in everyday situations, you’ll also have good language in high-pressure situations where you’re counting on your body language to portray the right image.
MESSAGE
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